Calvary Presbyterian Church
The Rev. Debra May Cerra
July 5, 2009

2 Corinthians 12:2-10 (NRSV)
I know a person in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know; God knows. 3 And I know that such a person—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know; God knows— 4 was caught up into Paradise and heard things that are not to be told, that no mortal is permitted to repeat. 5 On behalf of such a one I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. 6 But if I wish to boast, I will not be a fool, for I will be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think better of me than what is seen in me or heard from me, 7 even considering the exceptional character of the revelations. Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. 8 Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, 9 but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.

Power in Weakness

Do you ever wonder if you make a difference in this world? I hope that I am not the only one that ever thinks about this but even if I am, I want to share some of my struggles.
When I was teaching Industrial Arts, I taught all level of drafting and architectural drawing. For 180 days I got up in front of a classroom of students and told them what I knew about the subject. Sometimes they listened; sometimes they didn’t. There were many days that I wondered if I was making a difference at all.
            The last month of my tenure at the school was bittersweet. I truly enjoyed teaching and yet I knew in my heart that God was calling me to ordained ministry. Just days before the end of school, one of my students sought me out. He caught me off-guard when he said, “Ms. Cerra, you are the best teacher I have ever had.” I’m sure I had a look of surprise as he continued: “I appreciate that when I ask a question and you weren’t sure of the answer, you would say, ‘I don’t know but I’ll find out.’ No other teacher has ever done that. The others just give me an answer and hope I’ll go away.” What a nice realization that even in the little things – especially in the little things – I had made a difference in his life. Even in my weakness, there was some power.
             Even now, as a minister, I still question whether my ministry makes a difference  in people’s lives. I fight off strong feelings of ineptness and sometimes wonder if I should stay in ministry. Since my divorces there have been many days that are plagued with a sense of weakness and a dryness in my spiritual life. I question my ability to be present for others and wondered if I was making a difference in this community of faith. Like Paul, I have a thorn but I want it gone!
            So, I take my concerns to the Lord: “God, I feel like I am treading water…getting nowhere fast. Is my ministry effective? Am I supposed to stay in ministry? Or is it time to move on to something else.” Over and over I cry out this prayer. But God has not answer me with a straight-forward yes or no or a do this or don’t do that. God hasn’t  removed my thorn. Instead God has rebutted my feelings of weakness  through the kind words of others…much like that relatively insignificant compliment from my student many years ago.
            The positive reinforcement seems to come when I need it but always when I don’t expecting it: a comment from a person I telephoned – “God must have known that I needed to talk with you today” (wow); after a time of prayer with someone – “It’s comforting to hear you pray and know God’s listening” (touching); comments on the sermon –“powerful message” or “touching sermon” or “your message spoke to me (humbling). Over and over God has answered my prayer – not telling me how I am doing but, ever so gently, dissuading my doubts about the effectiveness of my ministry. God wants me to know that it isn’t about me; it is about God working through me. That’s God’s grace at work even in the midst of my weakness; even when my “thorn” still pricks me.
            Paul talked about this same thing in his second letter to the Corinthians. It seems that some Christians in Corinth had dubbed themselves “super apostles” and, as they touted their spiritual gifts, they undermined Paul’s authority. To that Paul responded, “If I had a mind to brag a little, I could probably do it without looking ridiculous, and I'd still be speaking plain truth all the way. But I'll spare you. I don't want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you'd encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk.” (6)
Paul knew the dangers of boasting too much, of losing sight of who he served and why. God also knew the dangers. So, to remind Paul, God places a “thorn” in his flesh – something that rubbed at Paul reminding him of his allegiance to God. Even when Pau appealed to the Lord to take it away, God did not. Instead God said, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” (9)
Paul’s experience reminds me that my weaknesses can be a good thing. For when I am too weak to depend on myself to do God’s work – when I’m full of doubt or too tired or troubled by something – I am forced to rely on God. And therefore, in my weakness, God’s power is made perfect in my life. That’s why God’s grace is so important.
Grace is an amazing thing. It is kindness and decency and compassion all rolled into one. It’s unmerited forgiveness. It’s the infinite love, mercy, favor and goodwill shown to humankind by God.
Nicky Cruz was the leader of the toughest gang in New York City. His Satanist parents abused him brutally, so he grew up a hardened man void of love and full of hate. “I wanted to do to others what my mother did to me,” Nicky said. “I used to feel good when I hurt some people.” But privately, he didn’t feel good. “Privately, when I was alone, loneliness became like a seductive woman that crawled inside my chest and [ate] me. I was there twisting and fighting; I felt so lost.”
            Only two people saw the desperate condition of Nicky’s heart. One was a psychologist. “He told me about five times. ‘There’s a dark side in your life that nobody can penetrate. Nicky, you are walking straight to jail, the electric chair, and hell. There’s no hope.’”
            The other was a pastor named David Wilkerson. He risked his life to tell Nicky there was hope. “When I heard his voice say: ‘God has the power to change your life.’ I started cursing loud,” says Nicky. “I spit in his face, and I hit him. I told him, ‘I don’t believe in what you say and you get out of here.’”
            Nicky never expected what he heard Wilkerson say next. Wilkerson replied, “You could cut me up into a 1000 pieces and lay them in the street. Every piece will still love you.”
            Nicky said, “It did damage. Good [damage] in my brain and in my heart. I began to question, and for two weeks I could not sleep thinking about love.” Nicky and his gang showed up at one of Wilkerson’s rallies. One by one, they gave their lives to Christ.
It was the crucifixion – Jesus’ death on the cross -- that grabbed Nicky. “I was choked up with pain, and my eyes were fighting and tears became to come down and more tears and I was fighting and then I surrendered,” says Nicky. “I let Jesus hug me, and I let my head rest on His chest. I said I’m sorry. Forgive me, and for the first time, I told somebody ‘I love you.’” The love Nicky got in return radically changed his life. “When I had opened my eyes, I got a new heart. I’d been born again. I’m a child of the Lord.”
Like Paul and me, Nicky had a thorn in his flesh – called “hate.” It ate him up; it almost killed him. But the amazing grace of Jesus changed all that!
            In this world, people think that they need to focus on their strengths to be great leaders. And that may be true. But in God’s Kingdom it is the exact opposite. God sees our potential in our weakness. The grace of Christ was adequate for Paul, even in his weakened state. And God’s grace is sufficient and for us as well.  Remember, divine power finds its full scope and strength only when we acknowledge that we can’t do it on our own; that we need Christ’s enabling strength. Like Paul, let’s take our limitations in stride – let’s embrace our “thorns” –  and then let Christ take over. Amen and amen.